Hello, long time no blog lool. I've been at work a lot really so I haven't had the time to sit down and really think about the content on my blog but, I've got some days off so here I am.
As I only have about 2/3 weeks left of freedom before I embark on my last year at uni, aka the last year of hell, aka the last year of breakdowns, its suitable to discuss the things that no one really tells you about uni. I have briefly gone over this in a previous post but this one is a bit more in depth.
Your sixth form/college make it seem so wonderful. In my case my school had me looking at univeristies from year 10, (Big up my trip to Cambridge, because I was defo going to get into there). Honestly, the thought of university in sixth form was pretty exciting and then I actually got there and I've never felt so uncomfortable and unnessisarily stressed in my life. Whilst I know that not everyone has this experience (don't let me put you off or worry you) but a lot of my friends at uni did. I feel like I chose the wrong course, the wrong Universirty. In first year I stuck it out until Christmas and then I had to go and have a meeting with my personal tutor because I felt like I couldn't get through the rest of the year. Every week I would go home and cry, have panic attacks and in all honesty, I fell into, what I consider, as a deep depression.
I really struggled with my first year, Luke lived away at uni and I commuted, and yeah we go to the same one but he wasn't at home, he wasn't a 10 minute drive away, he was a 40 minute drive away, and he was in halls (obviously) so there was always someone around, I never really got to spend alone time with him and really talk about how I was feeling. I stayed at his accommodation every Monday as I had a 9am on a Tuesday, but I wouldn't finish uni on Monday until 7pm so I would get back to his, have dinner and go to bed, then I would be up and gone before he even woke up. Our timetables didn't really match, and obviously he had to go and live his uni life so for the first year, it was a bit shit in terms of seeing him. My friends from home, either worked or lived at uni so I didn't really see them at all for first year apart from when it was the holidays, and I was a bit of a late comer into the group so I felt like I couldn't really talk to them about how I was experiencing uni, especially since the ones that went to uni, were loving uni. It was just hard for me, and I know that it's coming across like I'm blaming other people but I'm not, I know I could've said how I feel I just didn't feel like I could/should. The only people I really spoke to about it was Elana and my Mum. For me, me keeping all of this in was something that really contributed to my deteriorating mental health; I wouldn't want to get out of bed, I would literally go to uni or go to work, I didn't really ever leave my house and this is something that I still struggle with now. The tutors were helpful and explained that I should stick it out at least a year because it looks better to employers. And then summer came and I still didn't know what I wanted to do if I wasn't at uni and I decided to stick it out until the end as well I'll come out with a degree, I was getting good grades and finally, It buys me time.
The money thing, ergh thats a drag. You pay all this money to go to uni, when you're barley there. In second year, I was in three days a week. Three days. I started at the end of September, had October holidays, Christmas, Easter then I finished at the beginning of May. I still haven't gone back. I would say I have about 6 months off, including all holidays, reading weeks etc. Im paying almost ten thousand pounds a year to only be in for half the year.... Don't get me wrong, I really love not being in uni, LOVE IT. But come on? Student Finance is annoying as well. If you get above the minimum, I really bloody envy you. People are literally going on full holidays, going out all the time, buying designer clothes with their student loan. I can barley afford to get there and buy books. This is another thing that put a huge stress on me. In first year I ran out of money in the second semester and had to borrow it off my parents, which I didn't like doing. How is it fair that that happens to people but some people have so much money that they don't know what to do with it?
Everyone says when you go to uni that the people are so much more mature. What a load of crap. I would say University is just as bitchy as school. People are jealous, rude, bored, tired and poor and it shows. Some people are mature and handle things properly or just stay out of peoples way whereas some people act like they've just fell out of a pram. For me, there is no point in pretending you like someone, If I don't like you, do not expect me to talk to you. It saves so much drama and this is something that I discovered during uni. So, if you're like me and can't be bothered with the drama. Just cut out the immature people. You will make friends; without Elana I 110% would not have made it this far. I think because we are so similar it makes me feel like I'm not alone during this process.
I know this seems like a really negative post, but apart from my grades, I have had a really negative experience at University. As I said before, everyone has a different experience. You might have an amazing time but you might be like me and cannot wait for it to be over. Anyone that is going to Uni, good luck I really hope you enjoy it and if you don't, remember that you can get through it.
p.s drinking game: drink every time I say uni/university in this post.
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