To sound kind've cliche, I've been on instagram recently and now I feel larger than normal. I, in general, am not normally effected by what other people look like on instagram, I don't really like my figure but I'm not the type of person to feel down when they see someone like Elle Darby on instagram. However, I have been stalking her recently and now I want to be her so bad; her figure is AMAZING. But, in light of the Victoria Secret Fashion show, I have recently had a low body confidence as these girls just are everything I'm not. For a few days I thought about how big I feel and then I decided I should probably go to the gym, which I did. I saved loads of videos that were under the TRAINLIKEANANGEL hashtag and I was ready to go. Then I actually got to the gym. Yeah no thanks. I am completely fine on the treadmill, rowing machine, steps, mats etc but as soon as I watched the videos back and saw them using all the other stuff I just felt completely petrified. The thought of using that weight bar thing, or the pushy leg thing (great terminology, I know) actually makes me feel sick! No thank you. I don't know what it is but I just can't bring myself to do it, I feel like I'm going to look ridiculous or break it or break myself (lol). The only way I will ever be able to get myself to do it is if I go with someone that already knows how to use it, but since all my friends are at uni or like going to the gym at different times to me, I'm going to have to settle with just not using them; what a shame. Anyone else in the same predicament as me ?
Then theres the whole 'healthy eating' thing. YIKES. I can't do it! I try to eat a salad for lunch, or just have a bit of fruit for breakfast and oh my god, it does not fill me up at all. I don't know how to people do it, especially around Christmas. There is so much chocolate and I am not prepared to give that up. No way. However, I really want to; I want to live that healthy lifestyle and be a proper gym girl but it's just not me. It doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying to better myself and attempt to eat healthier but if I spend the whole day eating chocolate, I'm not going to cry about it.
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